I did not want to write a weight loss blog.
Don’t get me wrong. I have no misconceptions about my weight, my eating habits, my overall health. It’s been years since I could ‘eat the way I used to’, since I could fit into a certain pair of jeans that still sit in my closet. I’ve heard the doctors say I could stand to use a few (x10… x20…) pounds, that I should get outside and walk more. And I’ve tried. I’ve gotten so close to a weight loss goal and I’ve celebrated fitting into a size L with room to spare.
But it never sticks. Why?
I don’t value myself enough.
THAT is a tough sentence to write. Who wants to admit THAT? Who wants to be so vulnerable as to admit to friends and family (because, at this point, you are the ones reading this!) that you don’t care enough to treat yourself the way you ought to be treated?
My mind is racing with answers to all the things I fear you are saying. I know you think I’m using this as an excuse. Please don’t roll your eyes at me. I hope you don’t think less of me. I promise I’m not using this to get attention. You’re not going to use this against me, are you?
I’ve always known deep down that self worth, self compassion, were at the core of my weight issues. The past 3 years have been slowly building me to a point where I can finally admit it. Proudly.
When I started Amy Party of One a couple of years ago, it was on the premise that the relationship you have with yourself is one of, if not the, most important relationship of all. At the time, I still had a lot of relationship building to do with myself. I was not ready to explicitly address the most telling sign of my self neglect. But here I am now with an understanding of why I need care and compassion in my life, with a little bit of vulnerability mixed in.
So let’s begin, shall we?